(doll part)

Okay so guys this is Sonny, my best friend of almost...six years? Seven years? I dunno, but last year in December I confessed that I have romantic feelings for her. She actually returned them, and I felt really fuckin happy because I swore she would reject me and say I was weird. But no.

Later that week, I kissed her. And of course, that kiss invited more. My mum knows, and my brother too, but my dad+her parents (they are homophobic) don't. Anyway, I'm hesitant to call her my girlfriend because she says its too early for a relationship. But guys, before you say "then why do you stay around her if she doesn't want to date you?". the thing is, this amazing, awesome girl literally was one of the three things that dragged me from killing myself last year.

She told me that if i started cutting again, I would be cutting her too. That struck something. She made me stop. She makes sure I don't have panic attacks while I'm at her house/in public with her, she carries around my favorite stuffed animal when I'm there (which makes me really happy ah) and she constantly tells me how much she cares about me. She's really, really, really fucking important to me. She's my badass best-girlfriend. 

She respects that I was Elizabeth once, and respects that I am Mathias now. She's so sweet, and funny, and pretty, and just all around my favorite person i've ever fucking met and I want everything ever for her. She even ships everything i ship for gods sake. (our cosplays reflect that ayy) And I love her, so much.

(doll part over, now for some of the more...sensitive stuff)

When I relasped, I didn't want to tell her. I only did on my most recent trip there, and it was late, and I was still high on sugar+cosplay+kisses+ships, and it all came out at once. I was crying, panicking, and almost yelling. I thought she would get mad, but no. She got me a glass of water, got me my medicine (since i hadn't taken it) and held me for a good forty minutes as I just couldn't stop crying. Its only moments like that that I remember she's older than me. By almost two years! I never really thought about it, but all of the sudden that was the reality. I may act tough and older, but when it came down to it. I was acting like a baby, and she let me.